I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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