Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
