i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
