He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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