May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
