I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
