no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
