my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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