im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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