i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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