I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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