Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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