one word: firstdatebathroomanal
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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