Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
