Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
