Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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