I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
