Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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