I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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