jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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