you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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