highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
