Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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