I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
