Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
