There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
