whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
