So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
false alarm. still invincible.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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