So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
