I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
