but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
