i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
