woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize