I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
