in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
