WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sober January is a disaster.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
