I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
