SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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