:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
