When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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