Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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