i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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