i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
