I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
