No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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