You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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