You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
