Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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