look no pants
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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