If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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