Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
