You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
