i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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