2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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