yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
