it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
