Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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