U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
