Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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