Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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