I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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