I'm going to jail i love you
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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