She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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