Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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