I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
