Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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