I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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