you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
