i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
